just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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