We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
