That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
