Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
