This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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