Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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