Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
