What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
