i don't like sucking hair
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
