some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
