It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
