Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize