Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
