I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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