Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
