Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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