I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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