I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
