Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
