remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
