Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
