This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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