I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
4 words: hood of his car
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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