I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
