Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
