I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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