its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
