dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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