I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
