can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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