a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
