update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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