24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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