He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
