How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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