I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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