i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
