he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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