I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
