im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
