4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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