you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
