What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize