my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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