I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
