So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
