Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
