you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
