is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
