good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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