We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
