There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
