a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
