wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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