we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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