Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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