Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
