I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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