I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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