come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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