I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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