If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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