someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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