Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
