whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
