I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
