I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
