I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have already put on my inside pants.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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