I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
