To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
