Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
two words: eviction party
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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