I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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