yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
