are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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