so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
