last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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