NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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