you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
