I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
