I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
