you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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