Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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