Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
