I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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