No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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