Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize